Say bullshit*t!
Well, there's one thing for certain. It runs deep in my family tree. Bullsh*t that is. Biological, adopted, or otherwise, it's a guarantee that you'll find it. However, before I get too far, allow me to introduce Cousin Sam.
I recently stumbled upon Cousin Sam while researching the life of my third great-uncle, Samuel Truman Kelsey. My third great uncle, "Uncle Sam," had a remarkable life, seemingly fulfilled in every way. He also had a great-nephew named after him, and here's where I get to introduce you to "Cousin Sam."
I won't bore you with the degree of connection to Cousin Sam - (say about 2nd cousin to grandma...)
I guess I should first mention that I'd been lamenting the fact that we have no "record breakers" in our family tree. Nope, just a bunch of boring average folks. You see, I'd recently looked at a couple of family trees that have people listed in Ripley's Believe it or Not, or who had s family member who was a contender for things like: "World's Fattest Kid."
I mean, how cool is that? Um, so what do I have? Not much.
It was about that I stumbled upon the similarly named Cousin Sam. And, yes, his name caught my eye because it was the same as our shared multigenerational "Uncle Sam" previously mentioned in the last post. However, it was this Cousin Sam's age that caught my eye.
"Sam Kelsey, 109 years young."
109??? Yeah, I could work with that.
WTF? Could we actually have a supercentenarian among our branches? Could I actually have something among Ye Olde Branches that would give the Ripley's Believe it or Not crowd a run for their money?
Shoot, I had to dive in here.
The newspaper article on Cousin Sam said he had witnessed the Civil War, Old West cattle drives, and dealt with dangerous western outlaws. Good stuff, right? Yeah, Sam knew how to sell it.
Cousin Sam was so good at bullsh*t that when he died at "111 years of age," the California State Legislature even passed a resolution in his honor declaring him one of the West's oldest persons.
Yeah, turns out it was all bullshit*t.
Cousin Sam lied about his age. And he did all of this for a girl, the love of his life.
II.
Seriously, Sam? You get us almost qualified for some "oldest living guy award" in Ferndale, California, only to tell us it was all just a misunderstanding when you went to marry your sweetheart? You get the freaking legislature to honor your longevity in death, only to find out it was bunk?
You see all those recollections about the Old West and the Civil War? Yeah, he couldn't really recall the Civil War because he was born the year it ended.
All bullshit?
Yeah, I guess that's the case.
You see, Sam committed one of those many nineteenth-century faux pas. He married an older woman. Yes, Sam married the lovely and talented Mattie Hendee Shinn. Mattie was a "widow woman" and nine years older than Cousin Sam. Legend has it that because Cousin Sam didn't want to embarrass his new bride by her having married a man nearly a decade younger than she was, he lied about his age on the marriage license. Sam simply stated that he and Mattie were the same age.
"Forever twenty-nine." LOL.
When in fact, the genealogy and accounting of Sam's birth is better reflected in the Kelsey genealogy (image below) and in the earlier census records.
In fact, he's "all in" at this point. Cousin Sam probably figures, "Who the heck's ever gonna know when he was really born?" In fact, Cousin Sam - he rather seems to like the fake (?) attention to:
And, as they say, "bless his heart," he carries on his charade all the way to the end:
You go, Cousin Sam. You tell 'em whatever they gotta hear.
Thank you for the "proper use of bullshit." :)
Rest In Peace.
☮
.jpeg)
No comments:
Post a Comment